Yours · Truly, · Lovefoxxx.

As mentioned in the previous entry, I'm somewhat unsure of what 2009 will bring but am trying my hand at positivity. Had a mini panic attack over the weekend about my current work situation and terrified of the prospects of being jobless and hauled back to Singapore. It's not that I've given up on my birthplace and of course my bestest friends are back home, I just feel like I have yet to give Melbourne all I've got. Truth be told, I'm pretty much over Australia already. This I can attribute to my lack of commitment for anything, and I'm already itching to move to Hong Kong and be an expat.

Having given it much thought, I think I've pretty much mapped out 2009 for myself - something I've never really done before. I'm doing this for several reasons: One being that I'm turning 27 and really need to get my life in order; Secondly, I'm doing this for myself. Phase one on taking care of number one. So yes, I don't think it's possible to live each day at a time anymore. I've probably been fooling myself thinking I could get past another 10 years with that sort of a philosophy and outlook on life.

At the end of the day, I want to be happy. Without alcohol, drugs and other vices, I want to be fucking happy on my own accord and terms. 2008 was a trying year, I say that all the time, but I think it was a year that changed my views on finances, friendships and career. I've always pride myself on the fact that I had very good working experience and I somehow managed to do awesomely well in school this time round. I have been so hard on myself over the course of my Masters, and since working at the current agency, questioned my self-worth and capabilities endlessly. Over the holidays, I took a long hard look at myself, sat down and weighed out my strengths and weaknesses. I've since made a very difficult decision to start all over again. Forget my publishing/fashion experience, forget how fucking old I am, I'm wiping the slate clean and giving myself a new lease on life - career-wise that is. So next week, I'm quitting my job at the agency and will go on to look for something new and better. Funnily, I'm kinda interested in the education sector, and was thinking of doing some lecturing part-time. We'll see...

Socially, I am going to get myself back on track. I want to go out and meet new people, I want to be 'me' again. For awhile I was holding myself back, afraid that if I let myself go, everyone's going judge me. Then I realised, er fuck it, I've never really given two hoots about what others thought about me and I'm guilty of being judgmental too. So instead of worrying so much and trying to censor my every move, I will just be myself. Easy peasie.

Relationship wise, my mother is extremely worried that I am not settling down. Well who knows what will happen. I don't think I'm that worried yet, although I must say I'm some sort of Lucky Chuck, seeing that most of my exes are married or are getting married this year. They must have been scared off into commitment after having dealt with me. Keke.

Alright, have to go. I'm glad that I've started to put things into perspective.